AZRF Weeks 2 and 3

I missed a week. Sue me.

I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon and I really don’t sleep much when I am at home anymore. I sleep better when I am up north or camping out near the faire site because it means I don’t have to worry about hearing my niece wake up crying because she needs a diaper change or a feeding and her mother doesn’t wake up. I love my niece and my sister but I’m having a difficult time sleeping at home…it doesn’t feel much like home right now…

Anywho that is a different rant all together.

HIGHLIGHTS!!!

There are a few for the past two weekends.

  • I survived my first rainy days at Faire. I was cold miserable wrapped in two cloaks, changed my socks multiple times and was just not having it. I still survived. But the bright sides, I got a new cloak, a pair of warm wool socks, and some lovely purple fur lined gloves!
  • Been seeing a lot of familiar and lovely people at faire. You guys are fantastic and brighten my day and I always look forward to seeing you!!!
  • The Robin Hood crew made me an offer I could not refuse so I would join their side in a ‘turf’ war. Needless to say the Merry Black Widow was not happy about it. I’m sorry…I had beautiful men woo me and make me swoon and they offered me what I couldn’t refuse. A favor that I can call upon at any time.
  • Siri and Will Scarlet had far too much fun playing and flirting with patrons and each other.
  • SCOTCH EGGS AT THE VILLAGE!!!! I LOVE Scotch Eggs! The best ones I have had are at the village we have in Fairehaven because the people there KNOW what they are doing and how to make them FUCKING DIVINE! I swear it like a foodgasm in your mouth.
  • Apparently I found out that there are not one, not two, but THREE unknown individuals who apparently have a thing for me…I need to find out who they are…and go from there. My faire dad won’t tell me anything and I respect that because he was asked not to tell and he is true to his word. No. Joke.
  • Also…found out my faire dad gives euphoric massages. Oh. My. God.
  • I saw the most lovely example of Karma. This poor child…Oh man this was too cute. This little girl was with her mom and they were waiting to join the rest of their party at our mermaid exhibit. Now we have chains and posts to keep the line contained and we generally ask and warn people not to play on the post or chains. People go under and over then to get to their families which is technically a safety hazard. But then again these fuckers have no goddamn common sense when it comes to safety because they don’t care or they are drunk. So…this girl and her mom have kindly bothered me to ask if they can rejoin their family. I say yes and if they waited to get to a certain area they could join their party. Not two minutes later their party comes up and the girl darts under the chain, whips around, and falls flat on her butt. This was LITERALLY TWO MINUTES AFTER I had asked and mentioned not to play on the chains. Because if they do I get a free show and I get to laugh. Her mother burst into laughter at how funny it was and the poor girl started crying. I felt bad because I started laughing too because literally it was just perfect Karma. She was picked up and soothed by her mother and father and I felt so bad so I gave her a shiny gold coin. Regardless they got to see the mermaids and they enjoyed themselves. Which was good. We like making good and happy memories at faire.
  • I think I successfully aroused four out of five members of a cosplay group (both male and female. They were super great and my favorites of the weekend) AND one of them was able to successfully get my digits. I have yet to hear from her.
  • As usual I got to heckle men and ladies about their “kilts” (flannel or plaid printed clothing pieces) its literally one of my favorite things.
  • The head of the stage crews got a genuine reaction when he stole mine and Will Scarlet’s Wood (as in staffs, he stole our staffs, get your heads out of the gutter you pervs! Haha just kidding) so we chased him to get it back. It was one of the highlights of my day.
  • I got to do a magical ‘death’ scene in front of patrons because one of our cast members (Who mind you is five years old) had slain me. (Good job Casanova. Good Job. You can slay me very day just as long as Will and I are not having a flirt off)
  • I was able to help our Cardinal cheer up a lovely lovely patron. She had a very bad day, we escorted her to the queen and got her chocolate. I hope she is doing alright and I do hope to see her again very soon.
  • I had a man who was twice my size get upon his knees and grovel to me begging, pleading even for my forgiveness for missing the Dias time. He was forgiven. But its pretty damn funny when a man who is twice your size in height and muscle mass begs you for forgiveness. Like I think he was terrified that I might reign down the fiery wrath of hell upon him if he didn’t apologize. It was wonderful.
  • Apparently some of us are too good at our job and others are jealous. This being said, vendors got angry with us at the mermaid grotto because we were stealing business away form them. Sorry Vendors. I can’t be mad at that. you gotta make a living somehow. I respect you guys too much to make you mad. Attractions however where you charge money to see them…well…(Be warned tireade coming)
    It is NOT MY FAULT that the Mermaid Grotto got put next to your attraction, NOT MY FAULT  the producer put it there, NOT MY FAULT I was stationed there, and certainly NOT MY FAULT that we made it free and not two bucks for people to see. Also…NOT MY FAULT that YOU, you goddamn fuck weenie, decided to call me out and give me shit while I was doing what I was instructed and asked TO DO. If YOU want to bitch and moan, talk to YOUR higher ups. DO NOT take it out on me. YOU are a fucking adult. You should know better. Obviously you don’t. Not my fault you suck at Hawking your “show”. So please do me a favor and bugger off because if you come after me again I’m not gonna be nice and I WILL go to the director, assistant director AND producer.
    Hell hath no fury like a pissed off woman who acts more like a fucking adult than you do.
    Move along and learn some goddamn manners.
    (Rant over)
    I just get to relish in the fact that I can actually hawk a fucking show. Sucks to be that guy. I will make sure he does not do it again.
  • I taught many patrons about Consent. I got on a soap box about it.
  • New bits and new things came about this weekend.
  • I have an idea for a custom bone pin I need for my character.
  • I don’t have to be at Student Days for Faire!!
  • Apparently I get specifically requested to do things. Like work the lines at the Mermaid Grotto. it actually makes me feel super good when the stage manager trusts me to SPECIFICALLY request me to help out, even if I am a bit resistant to do it.

    And Finally…

  • And we got a life lesson from our resident Cardinal. Don’t be a cunt. He illustrated this with a terrible terrible example of a human being who treated women and people as things. Like…it was god awful and yes this guy was at faire. I won’t go into details but fuck man… The life lesson was, show love, make memories, show compassion and don’t be a fucking dick. Treat Humans as Humans. Not as objects.

Treat each other well guys. I’ll hopefully update Week 4 accordingly. Have a fantastic week. All the love!

~ The Brooding Dragon

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