AZRF week 6

I’m feeling so hungover from this weekend. We were in 90+*F temperatures the entire weekend and many of us wilted far sooner than we thought and somehow some of us survived.

Not too may highlights this weekend but it was not all bad.

  • I was able to gift a custom bone pin to the young man who made me laugh so hard for fifteen minutes upon the dias. This was followed by his dad being “miffed” (he wasn’t miffed) about not getting one himself, and we all proceeded to play it off with me begging for forgiveness for him and him making me feel so guilty to the point where I did feel bad. He was super chill with it but I’m gonna get him a custom pin anyway. Mwahahaha.
  • Being doused in water from head to toe. Holy sweet Jesus it felt so good while being in the heat and it helped me survive.
  • Having a lovely patron flirt with me and get me to blush. I swear this guy was smooth. Smoother than cocoa butter. He was a pretty man and I was almost knocked to my knees.
  • Gummi worms. My friend came with gummi worms and fed them to us. What made it so much funnier was one of the cast I was with was our plague doctor who we tease endlessly. I stuck one to the end of his nose.
  • I got inspired for more of my novel and my world building and events that will happen.
  • Playing with Will Scarlet and Little John on the dias because those gents are so much fun. They are super nice guys.
  • Getting to know a little more about two of my dear rennies. Because of this I love them so much more and they are even more dear to my heart.
  • SURVIVING THE HEAT! Literally thought I was going to collapse…

We have only two more weekends left and while I am sad I am also very grateful because I’ll get my weekends back and actually relax a bit more while I finish the semester.

Soon I’ll be posting more writing, thoughts and some inspirational posts. I’ve been writing more poetry lately.

~ The Brooding Dragon

AZRF Weeks 4 and 5

So Week four was kind of a bust. I didn’t get many highlights from it because I felt so weird and so off that I did not want to remember it. But there was some good and some lovely moments that came out of it. My personal favorite was an inside joke that happened with two of the cast members.

So to give a little background on these guys. They are known as the Heralds of MyeBum, Mashie and Niblek (not their real names just the character names), a father son duo who are so much fun to interact with and to watch. Their word play is absolutely wonderful and they are two of the most delightful humans to hang out with.

So I’m up on the dias (the nice big platform above the gates) with the boys and Mashie (the father) and I see this man wearing a shirt that says S. W. A. G. which stood for Someone Who Admires God. Mashie and I see this and were both like “okay cool bro that’s awesome displaying your faith and not being an asshole about it good for you” but poor precious little Niblek. He did not see the D until it was too late. This precious little eighteen year old boy thought that the shirt said Someone Who Admires Goo.

Yes. He thought this. The poor kid looked so confused. And he told the both of us out loud while we are standing on the dias. His tone was so pure, innocent, and genuine that I about died of laughter. His dad of course got a good kick out of it too.

And it didn’t end there, like he followed this up with question of what kind of goo were they talking about and I’m certain you can imagine where it went from there. Of course I am still cracking up loudly on the dias and I’m pretty certain patrons were wondering what was so funny that I was laughing so hard.

And in commemoration of that moment he is getting a custom made bonepin that says: “S.W.A.G. Someone Who Admires Goo.”

Good job Niblek. You have earned it.

This moment was also followed up by him and his dad freaking out while watching Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure with us and of course I had to give my stellar commentary. Because I could.

Weekend five was time travelers weekend. And it was hot like dear god it was hot. Yes I say hot and I survive triple digit temperatures in the summer. This is also because we’re in a dry dusty desert in multiple layers of clothing. Alot of people went down this weekend because of the heat.

I was almost one of those people. I had to step offstage to lay down in the entertainment office for a good half hour before I could go back out to entertain the masses. There was Air Conditioning in there and lord knew I needed it.

But many new bits came about this weekend. Which was good! I started leaving my mark on cast and patrons alike (that mark being a lipstick kiss upon people) its temporary that’s for certain but ’tis much much fun.

We had a lovely potluck this weekend with alot of good food.

And surprisingly enough a cast member who had given me a hard time apologized to me, sincerely. It was something I hadn’t expected but you know sometimes unexpected things are pretty amazing. Hopefully, just hopefully, he might not be such an arrogant doucheweenie. I’ll give him a second chance but I will still be wary around him.

I would have more but mother nature has decided that I must suffer for deciding not to add to the overpopulation of the world.

~ The Brooding Dragon

 

 

Fight Like a Girl

I fight like a girl because I am a girl.
Don’t underestimate me because I am the “weaker” sex. 
I am not an idiot.
I am intelligent,
Serious,
Sexy,
A blazing fire,
A force to be reckoned with,
I can be all of these things.
Not one or the other
All of them.
And that scares you.
Because you can’t handle it.
Do not think that you will break me easily.
I will persist
I will resist
And I will fight with everything.
I am not ashamed of being a woman.
And I will fight you
Like the dangerous girl I am.
Something I needed to write for International Women’s Day.
Fight like a girl.
Resist.
~ The Brooding Dragon

Total Control

“Total control,” said Moody quietly as the spider balled itself up and began to roll over and over. “I could make it jump out of the window, drown itself, throw itself down one of your throats…”
~ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire 

Yes. This is how this post is starting. Yes this is directly from the book. No I do not take credit for the passage above. That all goes to J.K. Rowling (thank you for allowing me to use Harry Potter to relate to every day things). And now I will tell you why I chose this passage.

I’m taking at least two psychology courses to finally finish up the degree I’ve been putting off for a couple of years and for extra credit we can do studies within the department for research. Naturally (because I want that extra security for my grade) I decided to partake in a study this morning. Phase one of a Hypnosis and hand writing study. I figured “hey why not this looks interesting might as well see what it is about and get extra points for my grade.”

Oh lord.

I was not prepared.

The thing about hypnosis is becoming relaxed and getting suggestions that filter to your brainwaves in this state. You become more willing to obey the suggestions and follow through with them as if you were totally and completely conscious. It also doesn’t help that you are placed into a relaxed state of mind to make you less obstinate  to what you are being told to do. Your mind is malleable. A thought is planted there and the body cannot help but obey sometimes. It just depends on willpower. Mine apparently was very weak.

Now I will say I did struggle and twitch in annoyance when I found I could NOT resist and that just frustrated me sending parts of my brain into a panic while others were telling it to shut the fuck up and let it happen. Being “controlled” like that so to speak is kind of horrifying in its own way especially if you are a person who gets really creeped out by mind control and fearing that the next suggestion might be the last.

My body wanted to rebel. Parts of my mind were screaming “No don’t don’t give in! Why are you doing this!” but the larger part had much more control and sounded much like Emperor Palpataine going “Good good.” It was one of the most terrifying and yet calming experiences in one. But overall, I’m still a little freaked out by it. It gave me a taste of what could ACTUALLY happen if technology got so advances to where we all were mind controlled. But this was for science and I knew I was in a safe space where disaster was certain to NOT happen.

Now why did I include the mention of the Imperius Curse at the beginning. Simple. It’s a form of hypnosis so to speak. At least in my mind that is how it translated. You see (here’s where all the Harry Potter nerds tune in) one of the Unforgivable Curses is the Imperius curse. This gives the caster complete and total control of the victim.

It was the most wonderful feeling. Harry felt a floating sensation as every thought and worry in his head was wiped gently away, leaving nothing but a vague, untraceable happiness. He stood there feeling immensely relaxed, only dimly aware of everyone watching him.
~ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This description is LITERALLY how I felt under hypnosis. Sure my brain still went on mini tangents while I was under but those were blurred and wiped away, like zoning out while driving. But holy sweet Jesus on toast this is literally how I felt. Even while there was a small part of me panicking and freaking out. That part was not nearly strong enough to fight against the hypnosis.

And yet I am insane enough to hopefully be invited to participate in the second part of the study for this. If I do I get to see the EEGs taken of my brain waves while under hypnosis.

Goddamn the muggle version of the Imperius Curse is trippy as hell.

I still feel hungover from it.

The things I do for science. Wait, I shouldn’t say that. Aperture Science will want me as a test subject and they will give me false promises of cake.

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

~ The Brooding Dragon

Cracking

Usually on Facebook I try to remain a positive force or just an anonymous individual who posts about weird strange and cool stuff. I try to be positive and spread love, kindness, joy, whatever I can because I would rather be posting about that than my personal problems for the world to see.

But today…ugh. Today I don’t know why of all days today I posted something very vague.

“Dear emotions. Can you not? Thanks.”

I never do this to try to get attention. No. It’s a way for me to ease it out of my system so i can write about it later. And if people are curious then they can ask me about it and i’ll fill them in.

But for me…one picture, a stupid fucking picture was enough to send me into an emotional overdrive to where I just want to sob my eyes out. Why? How is it that one picture can set a person off into some emotion?

Well, in a way we are all guns. and we all have a trigger. Now usually were not cocked loaded and ready to go, the safety is usually on (I literally know next to nothing about weaponry so please bear with me while I make the general metaphor). But there are some days where that safety is clicked off and there is a finger resting on our trigger. Here is the fun part…sometimes we don’t even know it until we’ve gone off.

This is what people like to label as ‘triggered’.

It was the release to my emotions. Once that finger squeezed my trigger, all bets were off and the floodgates opened, pouring down my face and practically making me look more sick and exhausted than I already am. (I’m not sick. just exhausted.)

A single picture. Triggered me enough to feel rotten, undesirable, worthless, useless, and unwanted. It’s making the barrier I’ve slowly been letting down start to build up again because I don’t want someone to actually SAY that I am any of those things. Or to reject me again. Rejection only hardens us more to the world.

And I don’t want to have that hard tough shell around me. I want to feel more, love harder, and be all around more sensitive to people. But its so hard when I’ve built such a cast iron shell around myself to preserve my sanity. It’s a defense mechanism. One that has made me a pretty fucked up human and one that I need to destroy…

I’m trying. I’m working on it. Some days are better than others. It all depends on my confidence level, and my levels of insecurities.

I’m working on those too.

~ The Brooding Dragon