I’m really bad at this trying to blog about something a few times a week. Like uber bad at this. It gets even worse when my anxiety rears its ugly head and I start overthinking every little detail of my life for the past twenty eight years. Of course the anxiety gets worse when I’m super stressed about something like I have been for the last week and a half. (They call Tech week Hell week for a reason)
But I swear I overthink every little thing, especially when it comes to certain people or when I’m around certain people and right now it is starting to get a little grating on my nerves and damn near unmanageable.
I’m just ranting at this point.
But maybe it’s because I don’t want to be seen as a failure to myself. Lately I feel like I have let every single person in my life (or at least every single person I’ve come into contact with in the past two weeks) down. This is including the amazing cast i’ve gotten to work with, the kick ass production team I’ve had, the director, my assistant stage manager, my family, friends, even my own characters in my stories. I swear it feels like I’ve done something to let everyone down.
The logical part is I know it’s an over exaggeration. I know for a fact that this is my own brain fucking with me and leading me to believe that I’m just a fucking failure. This is what logic says. Emotion says otherwise.
And of course I don’t talk to anyone about it because I think I’m a burden to everyone and I have this lovely wall that keeps everyone out which is so so detrimental to me because I don’t want anyone to worry but of course it builds and builds and builds to where I can’t handle it and it all comes leaking out everywhere.
In short, the last week and a half was difficult. I’m not handling the aftermath well and I feel like a failure.
Hopefully I’ll try to post content that isn’t about my anxiety or anything like that in the future. but for you readers who are following with me and have stuck with me. Thanks. I really appreciate it.
~The Brooding Dragon