Total Control

“Total control,” said Moody quietly as the spider balled itself up and began to roll over and over. “I could make it jump out of the window, drown itself, throw itself down one of your throats…”
~ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire 

Yes. This is how this post is starting. Yes this is directly from the book. No I do not take credit for the passage above. That all goes to J.K. Rowling (thank you for allowing me to use Harry Potter to relate to every day things). And now I will tell you why I chose this passage.

I’m taking at least two psychology courses to finally finish up the degree I’ve been putting off for a couple of years and for extra credit we can do studies within the department for research. Naturally (because I want that extra security for my grade) I decided to partake in a study this morning. Phase one of a Hypnosis and hand writing study. I figured “hey why not this looks interesting might as well see what it is about and get extra points for my grade.”

Oh lord.

I was not prepared.

The thing about hypnosis is becoming relaxed and getting suggestions that filter to your brainwaves in this state. You become more willing to obey the suggestions and follow through with them as if you were totally and completely conscious. It also doesn’t help that you are placed into a relaxed state of mind to make you less obstinate  to what you are being told to do. Your mind is malleable. A thought is planted there and the body cannot help but obey sometimes. It just depends on willpower. Mine apparently was very weak.

Now I will say I did struggle and twitch in annoyance when I found I could NOT resist and that just frustrated me sending parts of my brain into a panic while others were telling it to shut the fuck up and let it happen. Being “controlled” like that so to speak is kind of horrifying in its own way especially if you are a person who gets really creeped out by mind control and fearing that the next suggestion might be the last.

My body wanted to rebel. Parts of my mind were screaming “No don’t don’t give in! Why are you doing this!” but the larger part had much more control and sounded much like Emperor Palpataine going “Good good.” It was one of the most terrifying and yet calming experiences in one. But overall, I’m still a little freaked out by it. It gave me a taste of what could ACTUALLY happen if technology got so advances to where we all were mind controlled. But this was for science and I knew I was in a safe space where disaster was certain to NOT happen.

Now why did I include the mention of the Imperius Curse at the beginning. Simple. It’s a form of hypnosis so to speak. At least in my mind that is how it translated. You see (here’s where all the Harry Potter nerds tune in) one of the Unforgivable Curses is the Imperius curse. This gives the caster complete and total control of the victim.

It was the most wonderful feeling. Harry felt a floating sensation as every thought and worry in his head was wiped gently away, leaving nothing but a vague, untraceable happiness. He stood there feeling immensely relaxed, only dimly aware of everyone watching him.
~ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This description is LITERALLY how I felt under hypnosis. Sure my brain still went on mini tangents while I was under but those were blurred and wiped away, like zoning out while driving. But holy sweet Jesus on toast this is literally how I felt. Even while there was a small part of me panicking and freaking out. That part was not nearly strong enough to fight against the hypnosis.

And yet I am insane enough to hopefully be invited to participate in the second part of the study for this. If I do I get to see the EEGs taken of my brain waves while under hypnosis.

Goddamn the muggle version of the Imperius Curse is trippy as hell.

I still feel hungover from it.

The things I do for science. Wait, I shouldn’t say that. Aperture Science will want me as a test subject and they will give me false promises of cake.

THE CAKE IS A LIE!

~ The Brooding Dragon

Cracking

Usually on Facebook I try to remain a positive force or just an anonymous individual who posts about weird strange and cool stuff. I try to be positive and spread love, kindness, joy, whatever I can because I would rather be posting about that than my personal problems for the world to see.

But today…ugh. Today I don’t know why of all days today I posted something very vague.

“Dear emotions. Can you not? Thanks.”

I never do this to try to get attention. No. It’s a way for me to ease it out of my system so i can write about it later. And if people are curious then they can ask me about it and i’ll fill them in.

But for me…one picture, a stupid fucking picture was enough to send me into an emotional overdrive to where I just want to sob my eyes out. Why? How is it that one picture can set a person off into some emotion?

Well, in a way we are all guns. and we all have a trigger. Now usually were not cocked loaded and ready to go, the safety is usually on (I literally know next to nothing about weaponry so please bear with me while I make the general metaphor). But there are some days where that safety is clicked off and there is a finger resting on our trigger. Here is the fun part…sometimes we don’t even know it until we’ve gone off.

This is what people like to label as ‘triggered’.

It was the release to my emotions. Once that finger squeezed my trigger, all bets were off and the floodgates opened, pouring down my face and practically making me look more sick and exhausted than I already am. (I’m not sick. just exhausted.)

A single picture. Triggered me enough to feel rotten, undesirable, worthless, useless, and unwanted. It’s making the barrier I’ve slowly been letting down start to build up again because I don’t want someone to actually SAY that I am any of those things. Or to reject me again. Rejection only hardens us more to the world.

And I don’t want to have that hard tough shell around me. I want to feel more, love harder, and be all around more sensitive to people. But its so hard when I’ve built such a cast iron shell around myself to preserve my sanity. It’s a defense mechanism. One that has made me a pretty fucked up human and one that I need to destroy…

I’m trying. I’m working on it. Some days are better than others. It all depends on my confidence level, and my levels of insecurities.

I’m working on those too.

~ The Brooding Dragon

AZRF Weeks 2 and 3

I missed a week. Sue me.

I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon and I really don’t sleep much when I am at home anymore. I sleep better when I am up north or camping out near the faire site because it means I don’t have to worry about hearing my niece wake up crying because she needs a diaper change or a feeding and her mother doesn’t wake up. I love my niece and my sister but I’m having a difficult time sleeping at home…it doesn’t feel much like home right now…

Anywho that is a different rant all together.

HIGHLIGHTS!!!

There are a few for the past two weekends.

  • I survived my first rainy days at Faire. I was cold miserable wrapped in two cloaks, changed my socks multiple times and was just not having it. I still survived. But the bright sides, I got a new cloak, a pair of warm wool socks, and some lovely purple fur lined gloves!
  • Been seeing a lot of familiar and lovely people at faire. You guys are fantastic and brighten my day and I always look forward to seeing you!!!
  • The Robin Hood crew made me an offer I could not refuse so I would join their side in a ‘turf’ war. Needless to say the Merry Black Widow was not happy about it. I’m sorry…I had beautiful men woo me and make me swoon and they offered me what I couldn’t refuse. A favor that I can call upon at any time.
  • Siri and Will Scarlet had far too much fun playing and flirting with patrons and each other.
  • SCOTCH EGGS AT THE VILLAGE!!!! I LOVE Scotch Eggs! The best ones I have had are at the village we have in Fairehaven because the people there KNOW what they are doing and how to make them FUCKING DIVINE! I swear it like a foodgasm in your mouth.
  • Apparently I found out that there are not one, not two, but THREE unknown individuals who apparently have a thing for me…I need to find out who they are…and go from there. My faire dad won’t tell me anything and I respect that because he was asked not to tell and he is true to his word. No. Joke.
  • Also…found out my faire dad gives euphoric massages. Oh. My. God.
  • I saw the most lovely example of Karma. This poor child…Oh man this was too cute. This little girl was with her mom and they were waiting to join the rest of their party at our mermaid exhibit. Now we have chains and posts to keep the line contained and we generally ask and warn people not to play on the post or chains. People go under and over then to get to their families which is technically a safety hazard. But then again these fuckers have no goddamn common sense when it comes to safety because they don’t care or they are drunk. So…this girl and her mom have kindly bothered me to ask if they can rejoin their family. I say yes and if they waited to get to a certain area they could join their party. Not two minutes later their party comes up and the girl darts under the chain, whips around, and falls flat on her butt. This was LITERALLY TWO MINUTES AFTER I had asked and mentioned not to play on the chains. Because if they do I get a free show and I get to laugh. Her mother burst into laughter at how funny it was and the poor girl started crying. I felt bad because I started laughing too because literally it was just perfect Karma. She was picked up and soothed by her mother and father and I felt so bad so I gave her a shiny gold coin. Regardless they got to see the mermaids and they enjoyed themselves. Which was good. We like making good and happy memories at faire.
  • I think I successfully aroused four out of five members of a cosplay group (both male and female. They were super great and my favorites of the weekend) AND one of them was able to successfully get my digits. I have yet to hear from her.
  • As usual I got to heckle men and ladies about their “kilts” (flannel or plaid printed clothing pieces) its literally one of my favorite things.
  • The head of the stage crews got a genuine reaction when he stole mine and Will Scarlet’s Wood (as in staffs, he stole our staffs, get your heads out of the gutter you pervs! Haha just kidding) so we chased him to get it back. It was one of the highlights of my day.
  • I got to do a magical ‘death’ scene in front of patrons because one of our cast members (Who mind you is five years old) had slain me. (Good job Casanova. Good Job. You can slay me very day just as long as Will and I are not having a flirt off)
  • I was able to help our Cardinal cheer up a lovely lovely patron. She had a very bad day, we escorted her to the queen and got her chocolate. I hope she is doing alright and I do hope to see her again very soon.
  • I had a man who was twice my size get upon his knees and grovel to me begging, pleading even for my forgiveness for missing the Dias time. He was forgiven. But its pretty damn funny when a man who is twice your size in height and muscle mass begs you for forgiveness. Like I think he was terrified that I might reign down the fiery wrath of hell upon him if he didn’t apologize. It was wonderful.
  • Apparently some of us are too good at our job and others are jealous. This being said, vendors got angry with us at the mermaid grotto because we were stealing business away form them. Sorry Vendors. I can’t be mad at that. you gotta make a living somehow. I respect you guys too much to make you mad. Attractions however where you charge money to see them…well…(Be warned tireade coming)
    It is NOT MY FAULT that the Mermaid Grotto got put next to your attraction, NOT MY FAULT  the producer put it there, NOT MY FAULT I was stationed there, and certainly NOT MY FAULT that we made it free and not two bucks for people to see. Also…NOT MY FAULT that YOU, you goddamn fuck weenie, decided to call me out and give me shit while I was doing what I was instructed and asked TO DO. If YOU want to bitch and moan, talk to YOUR higher ups. DO NOT take it out on me. YOU are a fucking adult. You should know better. Obviously you don’t. Not my fault you suck at Hawking your “show”. So please do me a favor and bugger off because if you come after me again I’m not gonna be nice and I WILL go to the director, assistant director AND producer.
    Hell hath no fury like a pissed off woman who acts more like a fucking adult than you do.
    Move along and learn some goddamn manners.
    (Rant over)
    I just get to relish in the fact that I can actually hawk a fucking show. Sucks to be that guy. I will make sure he does not do it again.
  • I taught many patrons about Consent. I got on a soap box about it.
  • New bits and new things came about this weekend.
  • I have an idea for a custom bone pin I need for my character.
  • I don’t have to be at Student Days for Faire!!
  • Apparently I get specifically requested to do things. Like work the lines at the Mermaid Grotto. it actually makes me feel super good when the stage manager trusts me to SPECIFICALLY request me to help out, even if I am a bit resistant to do it.

    And Finally…

  • And we got a life lesson from our resident Cardinal. Don’t be a cunt. He illustrated this with a terrible terrible example of a human being who treated women and people as things. Like…it was god awful and yes this guy was at faire. I won’t go into details but fuck man… The life lesson was, show love, make memories, show compassion and don’t be a fucking dick. Treat Humans as Humans. Not as objects.

Treat each other well guys. I’ll hopefully update Week 4 accordingly. Have a fantastic week. All the love!

~ The Brooding Dragon

Breakthrough

I have had a creative breakthrough!

This happen to me while I was copying notes from powerpoints in class but lordy lord I am thrilled!

I have book titles and I have endings for said books! Like no joke!

Of course I’m not going o release them until I ACTUALLY have them written and fleshed out. But I have a starting point! And Dear god this excites me so so much!

I still have a lot of world building to do and a lot of detail work to work on. Hell I might even give brief character summaries here of the players in this fucked up world I’m creating. And with everything going on in the politics and extremist world right now I have SOOOO much fodder to work with on how I want to structure everything. Plus it gives me a chance to research folklore, mythology, and history of multiple cultures.

This thrills me, truly!

I will tell you though…this story I’m concocting is going to be a trilogy. And perhaps I’ll have a collection of novellas to give more background and stories to the characters. But I think those will be released after I get these books done.

I have a big vision for this and I am thrilled. So thrilled that I am doing a happy dance.

Yay!

~ The Brooding Dragon

Still Hurting

And I’m still hurting…
The Last Five Years

 

 

TLDR: Long story short I’m feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day because I am single and went into a tangent about how the last pursued relationship I tried to have broke me.

But if you want to read the incredibly long post…

 

It’s Valentine’s Day again. So I’ve been spending most of the day reading, studying, appreciating the love from my circle of friends and family I have around me. I mean one of my favorite things was seeing my best friend and her boyfriend post a picture of the two of them having a milkshake. Like I squealed in delight because dammit they are so fucking cute together.

But then…there was a dull pang of hurt…an ache if you will, of seeing that photo. Two individuals who somehow by chance found each other and decided “Hey I like you. You are my human now” and then proceed to date and form a strong intimate relationship. Two individuals who by chance found each other and fell in love. They put in the effort for that connection and made it work. This my friends is a miracle. And I am all about miracles.

But the ache…the ache hasn’t faded. Just been pushed down so far that I forget its there until a day like Valentine’s Day comes along and reminds me of it. Or when I see a couple get engaged or married. Yes I’ve also spent the day on face book squealing over the tributes of love to significant others and seeing the disgustingly adorable pictures that came from it because I would rather bring them up than drag them down with my Debbie Downer approach to Valentine’s Day. They found their humans. Somehow against all odds they found their humans. which is amazing and wonderful!

Yet I still haven’t found mine…

And sometimes all I can do when I see happy couples walk hand in hand, or even kiss in public, just any display of affection, is fake a smile and ignore the aching pain and urge to cry that is swelling up inside of me. Push away that creature of envy that threatens to bring the slightest bit of conflict to my day…forget that I’m a single lonely almost thirty year old woman who has never had a deep serious relationship in her life and is still broken from trying to invest in someone who clearly was not worth her time.

I crave what the couple has, I crave it like an addict craves a cigarette or even a hit of a drug that will get them high, or that rush of adrenaline that makes their heart palpitate rapidly. My whole being wants what that couple has, so badly to the point where I tried too hard and fell down a dark and nasty rabbit hole…

And that rabbit hole has fucked everything over so hard to the point where I don’t even know if I can fix it.

I still ache. I still hurt. I am still broken and bruised from that rabbit hole nightmare…

To put it simply…I fell in love with someone who didn’t love me back…

I wasn’t what he was looking for.

It still hurts…but I chased him. I chased and pursued him so hard to the point where I crashed and burned. I had panic and anxiety attacks and I hurt, I ached every day. All I wanted in that time…was to be with this individual, to love him, to call him mine… and that burned in front of my eyes.

Because he never felt the same way.

It got to the point where it grew into an obsession and I acted like an incredibly obsessed fangirl who didn’t know how to hold it in or control it.

I lost myself in that rabbit hole. The one that broke me, pushed me to near insanity, and ripped out my heart, stomped on it and then shoved it back into my chest. After all that I was expected to survive? How?

How does one survive when their heart has literally been abused and toyed with for months and months?! How is this fair and how is it humane?!

I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to get the stupid fucker out of my brain and out of my thoughts, out of my heart but no matter what I did or how hard I tried I just couldn’t…

I couldn’t because I was naively hopeful.

I couldn’t because I firmly believed that the two of us could have something.

I couldn’t because gosh fucking dammit I was thoroughly convinced that he was my fucking soulmate.

And I realized…slowly…painfully…that it wasn’t going to happen.

Because he was hung up and convinced of the same thing…with another girl.

This was something that took me a long time to realize and process..and eventually accept. And when I did I crumbled.

I crumbled and fell so hard to the ground that I’m pretty sure I broke everything in me. It wasn’t just a breaking of my heart, it was a breaking of my friendship, my relationship, my trust in him.

It all shattered there and I disengaged from him. From a lot of things actually. I had to go into myself to recover from being dropped and shattered like a crystal figurine. And god bless them if it weren’t for some of my best friends I wouldn’t have been collected and put back together. I owe them so so much for dealing with me in my obsession and through my darkest days. Without them, I wouldn’t be standing on my feet and trying to heal from this blow I had taken.

But to this day I still ache. I still think about what could have been.

And when I think about it. When I think about what went wrong, I feel so…helpless. Because so much of it was out of my control.

The funny thing about being strung along on a wild goose chase is you don’t realize until the end that you are being toyed with and manipulated. And sometimes it takes your best friend or a group of them to slap you across the face and show you just how stupid you’ve been and make you shatter that image of the person you’ve been chasing.

He strung me along. It was tormenting really. The fucking bastard teased me, lured me, latched me onto his hook only to catch me and release me. This went on for months. MONTHS. And he never fucking said he wasn’t interested to my face. He gave me the bullshit excuse of “maybe not now but later because of x amount of reasons”. I should have called it quits then but stupid me wasn’t going to give up because I was stubborn, obsessed, and really not in a good place mentally or emotionally.

I was desperate. Looking back on all of this I was fucking desperate and dear god that was just…I am embarrassed to even post that.

There is still tension between us, more form me than him because I’m still hurting. Also I think he’s a fucking coward and an idiot for not knowing how to say “Hey this isn’t going to work”. Obviously confrontation is NOT his strong suit.

I gave up about seven months ago…and I’m still hurting.

Wow that was a really long tangent I took…

I think I needed that out of my system because I’m listening to sappy ass music and crying.

That ache is feeling a little relieved. But I am still hurting.

~ The Brooding Dragon

 

REN FAIRE

To the sweet little girl who constantly showered me with hugs…this is for you. 🙂

 

As I may have mentioned in previous entries I work as on of the local entertainers for the Arizona Renaissance Festival. It is every weekend two months out of the year and renders me absolutely exhausted.

This year people can locate me by my green skirts, red bodice, straw hat…

Oh and my favorite prop which is the trunk of a former pine tree Lucille. Yes I have a walking stick wrapped with scrap fabric and I named her Lucille, and the story goes, she was gifted to me by an old man named Negan.

For you TWD fans…I ain’t even sorry.

And I will try to post photos from AZRF to share on here because I mean…shenanigans.

But yes. If you see a young lady walking with a large stick that is about waist height and you are at AZRF that would be me.

Opening Weekend left me thoroughly exhausted. Like Im literally sitting here before class with my eyes glazed over because I am in dire need of Rest and Recovery. But it is all worth it! I swear.

I get to run around this year flirting with everyone and trying to “steal” their baubles. I go by Siria Blackhook, but you can call me Siri for short, and ask me anything. (Yes I did this on purpose.)

Highlights of the weekend:
– I apparently made a drunk college boy very ‘happy’
– I stole the timepiece from our Geoffrey Chaucer (I returned it to the actor don’t worry)
– Aquired a fanc new timepiece (because I needed one)
– Flirted with one but TWO Captain Hooks
– Nearly stole the crown from Prince Nicholas’s head. Unfortunately my plan was foiled and he outed me as a Bandit. (But dammit if that actor isn’t enchanting with the patrons and he is so much fun to play with)
– Managed to win the Queen Mum’s favor to the point where she was concerned about me when our Catherine Di Medici decided that she was above the law (in and out of character. the queen Mum likes me and gave me some very good sage advice which I will be ADHERING to in the future)
– Played with Robin Hood, Will Scarlet, and Little John. I really do adore the Robin Hood gents. (I may adore them all but Siri well…Will is her favorite.)
– Pleased the Queen by lowering myself as far as I could to the ground. I found myself on my knees and my belly a lot this weekend.
– Was personally picked by one of the small princesses to be a part of her collection of peasants and parade around with the gaggle of princesses and royals.
– Gave a rather detailed description to the Cardinal about how I acquired Lucille AND received a very genuine reaction. He proceeded to gift me with a piece of the Holy Wood.  (I’ll post the stories here after the faire season is over)
– Said Cardinal read the best confessions at a pizza parlour where we all gathered on Sunday night. (they tend to be pretty…interesting)
– The Lady Mayor employed me as her personal thief. She gets a cut of anything I steal. Which is especially fun because not only is she an incredible performer, but she has this wonderful and dominant presence about her.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!!!!
– A little girl wearing a flower crown made a beeline towards me whenever I was in her line of sight (this includes me reverancing to the Crown and company). Her name was Emma and she was the sweetest and cutest six year old girl I met at faire. I swear that little girl was filled with so much joy and gave so many hugs. Me being me I love hugs ESPECIALLY HUGS FROM CHILDREN because they are the most pure and innocent of creatures on this earth and I must make sure to make them smile or happy or even make them feel better.

In order for me to spread positivity though I will not be posting low lights unless there is something that REALLY bothers me at Faire. Then I will express it explain and reflect upon it.

But I really just wanted to post highlights of my weekends because really…Faire for me is home because I am loved. I am welcomed. I am wanted. And I am Valuable. I have found family here even if there is drama between people I still have found family. We have each others backs and we love each other.

I always look forward to returning home in the spring. Fairehaven is my home.

And Home got alot more mischievous now that Siri is there. 😉

~ The Brooding Dragon

In Which I Totally Make A Paper Entertaining To Read

So for the first paper for a class we had to write was a time we had an action slip or even let our mind wander. Of course being the lover of pop culture and the nerd that I am I had to insert references to The Silence, and I blamed them for making me forget my deodorant.

Fun fact. The paper was supposed to be a page long. Mine turned into a three and a half page saga of how I forgot to put on Deodorant one day.

 

Yes The Silence, as in The Silence from Doctor Who the Silence. They are the culprits responsible for making individuals like you and I forget why we looked into the refrigerator, why we bypassed the store on the way home from a long day at work, or why we even walked into the room…it is because they are there, hiding, lurking, waiting…

That would sound like the ominous selection from a fanfiction or a wikipedia article, and it does. In the nerd culture, as I am a part of, we blame our forgetfulness upon an enemy known as The Silence. You cannot see them but they are there and lingering and they are the creatures that would make someone forget something. At least, that is the excuse for when someone walks into a room and forgets why then set foot in there or even why they went on autopilot on the way home from work when they forgot to pick up the milk.

Me, being the nerd that I am I had to throw in as least a Doctor Who reference in there, but as far as action slips go…well, my list is far too long and would wrap around the world a thousand times over. I am forgetful and possibly suffer short term memory loss like Dory. Nah, I am kidding. That is another conversation altogether.

However, I do constantly suffer from action slips and absent mindedness, most of the time it happens when I am driving down to the valley, up to Flagstaff, or even to Gold Canyon for the Arizona Renaissance Festival. For the intent and purpose of this paper, I am going to go with the Faire example, because it is that time of year for me. Two months out of my year I am performing in Gold Canyon as a street entertainer for AZRF.  

To get to the Faire site, I drive down the US – 60, as do our patrons, to get there. Along the way, there are a couple of fast food places, a grocery store, a couple of mom and pops places, and a Walgreens. One day, in my haste to get to the faire site to get my costume approved, (because this is something that has to happen every faire season, I mean we need to look good), I had forgotten to put on the ever so important Deodorant. In addition to that, I had also forgotten to bring it with me on my way out the door, in case I had forgotten it. I was about ten minutes away from home when I said to myself:
“Self, did you put on deodorant?”  

To which I replied:

“No self, no I did not put on deodorant…but there is a Walgreens on the way! We can stop there!”

I had drilled it into my brain that we were going to stop by the Walgreens and pick up some deodorant so I did not have to worry. Besides, it was also a nice day. The sun was shining, the birds flying overhead, I had my tunes hooked up to my car stereo and was rocking out, like I always do when I drive.

The next thing I knew…I had arrived at the Faire site…and had completely forgotten to pick up some deodorant. How could I have forgotten to do such an important thing?! Oh woe is me! God above forgive me for such a transgression! I get over theatrical when I tell a story. It’s just a part of who I am and what I do with my life. I am an entertainer and artist after all.

Now I am sure you are thinking ‘get a grip it is just deodorant’, but for someone like me who works in an industry where I perform and I am constantly around people, interacting and working with them, deodorant is pretty bloody important! I hate smelling like a prepubescent teenage girl who has not learned the value of how imperative deodorant is.

Well…I suppose I had to go through the approval process, which in reality is not so terrible, without my deodorant and the gripping fear that I would smell like some preteen boy who does not know how to shower or know that deodorant exists. This was a terrifying thing for me. As well as nerve wracking. But if anyone noticed, no one said a thing. So I am still hoping no one noticed.

I figured this was a more entertaining tale than me having my mind wander during class. It does happen but usually when I am incredibly exhausted from either being sick or from overworking myself, or not getting enough sleep.

But as far as making sure that I do not bypass the store on my wait to the Faire site or even home…well obviously repeating and drilling into my head that I needed to stop somewhere clearly did not work in the case of my deodorant story. Perhaps I need to have a friend join me in my drives to remind me of things. That or invest in post it notes to place all around my car to remind me. I can possibly set an alarm on my phone or a reminder at least to remind me. Even then I might forget but I can try my damndest to make sure I do not forget!

Maybe I should just keep a stick of it in my bag.

Because really I don’t ever want to go anywhere without wearing deodorant again. I even shudder at the thought.

I suppose I could blame The Silence for this. Yes. I will blame The Silence.

 

Yes I plan on turning this in and I hope to god it give my professor a laugh. Because I certainly had a laugh while writing this.

~ The Brooding Dragon

Prologue: Nekron

This is something that has been brewing in my brain for a while now. I think I have a start for my series and with one of the most intriguing characters in it. I think I’ve decided to tell this story through the eyes of two of my more prominent characters. Or at least have prologues through them and then the final just be through everyone’s eyes. We will see. I’m planning for it to be a trilogy. And I’m just going to work my way through.

Note: Told from Nekron’s POV

 

There are too many people claiming the title of ‘villain’ nowadays. One has only to kidnap a princess or destroy a town and their names are suddenly spoken in hushed whispers. Ridiculous. There are some of us who actually had to work for our title.

Now mind you this was back in the day where the peoples of the land worshiped and appeased the gods of our world. Truthfully it was because they were fearful of what the not so benevolent gods would do if they were not appeased. At least that is my opinion anyway.

Oh. You are probably wondering how I’ve ended up locked away in this tower with naught but parchment and ink. All right all right it’s more than that. I at least have a bed to sleep in, a hearth to keep me warm on the chilly nights, a window, barred of course to make sure I don’t escape, a shelf with some books on it, a desk complete with a candle parchment and scrolls.

And don’t forget a pitcher for water and a chamber pot. Because gods above know that we haven’t found plumbing yet. Or at least innovated it like the Elves have.

Oh…and a set of bracers on my wrists, engraved with binding runes so I am unable to perform magic.

I suppose it could be worse.

Ah now you are wondering about my bracers. Excellent question, you see they tie in with the whole villain thing. They are a symbol and a reminder that not only did I earn my title, but I earned my punishment.

They could have killed me you know..for everything I did. But I did it all for them. I did it all for him. My idiot brother.

Yes. He is an idiot. Not so much now as when my journey began. He’s got advisors now, men and women on his council from races all over our world, keeping him in check. To be honest I’m proud of him. How far he’s come and where he is going.

It’s a pity that I’m locked in here and cannot enjoy his company.

Oh don’t look at me that way.

Fine…I was under the influence of the god of Death…well rather his radical lover Nerezza. Mirrikh is actually a nice fellow a good fellow really. He had a few tantrums here and there, took over the body of the most powerful druid in legend but then was kicked out and had this epic duel with his brother…

Forgive me I’m getting ahead of myself. Don’t want to give any spoilers now do I. This isn’t about the God Battle or the Arch Druid. This is my story after all.

Which began about twenty years ago.

I was just a mere apprentice then. Learning the basics and beginnings of magic…just as all mages do when they start. I had the gift you see. A gift to create illusion and make things happen that defied the laws of science. No one had actually been as naturally gifted as I which makes my story even more unique.

“But that’s how alot of…”

Silence you uneducated peanut. Who is telling the story. Me or you? This isn’t your run of the mill wizard child who spent the majority of his adolescence fighting off a dark lord and choosing to love instead of hate. Nor is this a battle for a throne made of iron by warring families.

“Yeah but -”

Oh bloody hell this isn’t a story of some halfling throwing a cursed ring into a fiery mountain of doom and destruction either!

This is my story. All those stories you’re thinking of are heroic stories. But no one, not a single person asks or even considers our side and I swear if you interrupt me one more time you idiot walnut I will…well I’ll find a way to strangle you.

Now do me a favor and pick up the quill and parchment. You’re going to write this.

And start it off this way:

Our story begins twenty years ago…

 

Who is this figure that is interrupting Nekron while he is trying to give his Narrative?

We don’t know.

 

~The Brooding Dragon

What If…

What if it all goes to hell…

What if we die tomorrow…

What if we get caught in World War Three and the casualties are more than we can handle…

What if the Doomsday clock hits midnight…

What if history repeats itself…

What if I don’t get to see my family again…

What if I never get to hold my niece again or even see her smile…

What if we all die in a nuclear explosion…

What if I really am a terrible person…

What if things do get worse and we start seeing people rounded up into camps again…

What if I go to hell…

What if imagination takes us too far into forbidden territory and we never survive…

 

What if I never find a significant other…

What if I can’t have children…

What if I get cancer…

What if this…

What if that…

What if…

So many what ifs and uncertainties in life that scare us or even drive us to certain madness.

And most of the time we focus on those that our demons present us.

We forget the one the angels have saved for us.

They come out of the dark corners and crevices.

And glow so brightly that not even demons can fight it.

What if I find the right one to be with forever.

What if I have an amazing career.

What if I learn something.

What if the world starts to change.

What if we show a little kindness.

What if we spread love.

What if we share music, laughter, joy.

What if we work hard and earn that diploma.

What if we take home a new furry friend who loves us forever.

What if we obsess over an amazing series.

What if we find an amazing new place to eat.

What if we go on a crazy adventure.

What if Dragons do exist.

What if we made magic.

What if we loved our family.

What if I get to see my niece grow and help her tackle life and take it by the horns.

What if so much good happens that the bad will fade away.

What if I go to Heaven.

What if I Succeed.

What if…

What if…

 

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”
Erin Hanson

~ The Brooding Dragon

The Sick

I think…I have the preFaire plague…a week before faire opens…and the week of dress rehearsal…fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkk………

I need a doctor…

Okay it’s not that bad, its just a horrendous cough, unbearable congestion and aches that make it hard to move. I’m fine I’m totally fine.

No. No its not fine. I’m not fine.

I absolutely hate being sick because my productivity tanks like below sea level and my attention span is incredibly limited. Which is bad considering I have to somewhat pay attention to pass a class this semester. But its so hard when the class is terribly boring and the professor is just not at all engaging and I have a hard time retaining the information.

Plus I just want to sleep but I can’t breath well because of the congestion and I’m coughing at least every five minutes and it just tears up my throat and hurts my chest…

I just needed to whine. Maybe if I have the energy I can write a poem on it…

~ The Brooding Dragon